Men Vs Women: Why the polarisation? By Mike Ikem Umealo

All over the social media, there is this impression of a conflict between the menfolk and womenfolk as if we have all lost the essence of being different; it shouldn't be so. 

That we all happen to disagree with each other doesn't mean that everything about the other gender should be objectionable.  

In most cases, these infectious messages carry such transverse wave of hate and repulsion across the board by the bitter sadists whose experiences have turned them into central boards of nutcases.

On the one hand, some of them who have experienced very bitter, dirty and brutal relationships tend to encourage the much younger ones to follow their own world view and assessment of the other gender. These divisive and hostile messages are not helping the discourse on relationships. The fact that people can come together automatically portrays an already existing division; we shouldn't make it look worse than it already is. 

The issue of man and woman should never be a do or die matter. 

What the woman is saying to the man is quite easy, "be open, be true, keep your promise, be faithful." And on the other hand, the man is saying to the woman, "be tolerant, show understanding, be patient with me." 

In a way, they are simply telling each other, let us talk! This is perhaps why almost every relationship counsellor accepts the idea that Communication is key. 

Where then is the problem? 

In addition to this subject, let me deviate a bit for what I hope to be a more concise analysis. For instance, as a man, when you see a woman in trouble, emotionally, financially or otherwise (by the way, we all are in one form of trouble or the other) you have a moral and traditional responsibility to ameliorate her difficulty; if you fulfil your duties, She would show her gratitude one way or the other. The same applies to men. This is only natural and naturally expectations could follow. 

Nonetheless, if you won't date her permanently into marriage after a brief encounter, it is right to plead your unworthiness and arrange for her marriage or temporary pairing with a fairly worthy man, then exit the scene. This is the Law of Fairness! 

The feeder or the truth is simply this: "There is no honest woman with an uncorrupted heart whom a man is not sure of conquering by dint of gratitude. It is one of the surest and shortest ways to a woman's heart. The heart of a woman is soft. But most men often misunderstand that softness for weakness and thereby cook up trouble for themselves. 

Thus, on so many occasions, we see people who get bitter and angry because "it didn't work out." Their expectations were not met. 

Listen my friends, I think that a man who makes known his love by words is a fool. Yes, verbal communication is essential because without spoken words the pleasure of love is diminished. But we must learn to use words by implication and not proclamation. In other words, Words of love must be implied, not boldly proclaimed." 

It is those boldly proclaimed promises of love that brings about "I go marry," which are often not kept; thus poisoning the mind of otherwise a loving woman with hatred. Don't say it if you don't mean it. 

However, to the womenfolk, I believe that there are more than 100 million other men, within your immediate, as well as virtual environment who, when a promise fails, could redeem a brothers promise. By publicly hating on men and encouraging other much younger women to abhor men,  in what you thought was out of genuine concern, you alienate us- men and boys (by the way some of us are boys wearing coats anyway). 

Saying "hi and hello" to a girl or merely asking for number has now turned to "a predators request" simply because one idiot who happens to be a man did some wickedly tasteless things which were counted for his as "disappointment." Why judge Peters character over the sins of Paul simply because their names starts with P! 

If Peter doesn't play the game of responsibility well, perhaps Paul could help out. Why then do we extend the hatred we developed for Peter towards everyone that looks like Peter? 

I recall a guy who once told me that his wife "took his house, took his children and kicked him out after he brought her to America..." To him therefore, "women are wicked, not just his wife." He remains single. How toxic? His own experience and the way he shares it could damage the mind set of so many young men. A progressive mind who builds a house and then looses the house to his wife, should move forward and build another. It is not in error that God created more women than men, so let us move forward; there is a person for everyone. 

The same applies to so many women who use social media to corrupt the minds of young unmarried girls against men. This is wrong? Whenever I read from a young, single, beautiful and girl talking down on men, I am mischievously tempted to ask "is she not burning her bridges?" Stop spoiling market for the young ones. And if you won't stop, well, more importantly, stop spoiling market for guys. 

God bless. 

MIU, March 2016)