Do you know your size, guys?

Shoes, pants, belts, shirts and jackets: Do you know your size, guys?

This piece is motivated by the many horrifying images I have seen in the past several years, of guys wearing oversized or undersized clothes thereby making a mess of themselves and their immediate environment. I'm pained that many of my brothers do not know their sizes. True, they don't. I remember calling a friend from a mall to know his shirt size so I can get him a shirt. He couldn't tell. He shamelessly asked me to use my church-mind and fashion sense to get him a shirt.

I know many diehard bad dressers will open their mouth to say "it's a matter of style or choice" (rendered in the most Igbotic or Owambe voice), but I'll still do my PSR, Personal Social Responsibility, which I hope will one day attract more blessings from the Most High God upon me.

Let me start from what I saw yesterday, while trying to pass through security check at "Inamdi" Azikiwe International Airport, Abuja (I know The Great Zik of Africa will mad at this pronunciation, but that's not me, definitely, but the illiterate public announcer at the airport).

Ok, I noticed a squat and dumpy dude, very burlesque in shape, with a protuberance that could make a six-month pregnant woman green with envy. He didn't necessarily become noticeable to me because he pushed me, without saying sorry, but he looked like a natural disaster. He wore a very tight T-shirt (not polo t-shirt, for goodness sake!) on a dirty brown baggy trouser. His belt was black and his shoes, pointing towards the heavens was huge and Ox-blood (maroon, if you like).

Well, ladies and gentlemen, he wore a Rolex, yes, real fucking Oyster day-date Rolex (some $120,000!!!). My goodness! And he kept glancing at the timepiece, my dream 50th Birthday gift. *Hint. *Hint.

I'm sure you can picture this Jonathan, let's call him that, for purposes of this write up. Jonathan exemplifies all that is wrong in fashion. His black belt almost went round his wide, wild waist twice-a no no. His shoes were not only too big, they were oversized (I saw him struggling with them) and, worst of all didn't match his belt. His T-shirt was undersized and accentuated his potbelly. The trousers, so much longer than him and folded annoyingly at the ankle, could make two, if he can find an honest tailor. But he elected to heap all that fabric upon himself and was clearly at the mercy of the industrial fan standing noisily beside him in the hot departure hall.

My brethren, if you shut your eyes and imagine anybody you believe is a good dresser, he took his time to learn and then it became a habit. Also, such people would normally wear close fitting not necessarily tight-fitting stuff. A typical shirt will show the size on the collar. Ditto trousers. Same with jackets. And you only need to fit them, find your true size and then cram it. When you wear fitting clothes, you look really nice, and you honestly don't have to spend too much money to achieve it.

Shirts should fit and give you room to raise your hands, with the cuffs smack at the end of your wrist. Trousers should just sit atop your shoes, and with that your nice socks (I love red) will peep out for public viewing. Seriously, your socks not only guard your shoes, but they also enhance your masculinity.

Belts should be long enough to go round and lock at the hole and pass the through the first loop. If you're planning to grow a potbelly, then plan for another belt, please. Don't run a belt twice around your waist. It's funny, men.

Talking about fit, slim or close fit is in now. And don't argue with this, please, except of course you don't really care how you look, but bother about houses, cars, shares and other acquisitions. Make it fitted, please. As for the plus size guys, Ntoor...go and lose weight, please.

Have I left anything? Yes, shoes. We have different types or shapes of feet. I'm not talking about whether you are size 42 or the supposedly more "endowed" size 45 and 46-48! No. I'm talking about the difference between wide and regular feet. Shoemakers know, so they make, for instance, a regular size 45 and size 45W (W for wide). So, depending on your foot structure, you can tell your friend to get you a size 45 or 45W. This will save you from shoe corns and the hilarious limping you see when guys wear tight shoes. Now, note well, some shoes, especially the cheap ones, come in hard leader, quite naturally. So, you might send them to the shoemakers to expand them, with shoe expanders (hoping they don't shatter under the expansion pressure).

Ditto your jacket. It's best to fit them in the shop and determine your size and then save it so you can just walk into any shop or ask a friend to get you a jacket or blazer-without regrets.

Tight trousers can be very embarrassing. They not only make it difficult to move around, they can mindlessly parade your earthly belongings to the roaming eyes of the opposite sex, and that's not decent, not at all. Of course some men's pants nowadays are made of spandex so they can stretch. So, do not go for tight trousers because you saw Emeka wearing them-his might have spandex and, therefore, comfortably stretches.

I don tire joor. If you like wear oversize or undersize. It's your business, and people will be sniggering or openly laughing at you like we did Mr. Jonathan yesterday. He looked horrible, like most Jonathan's I know.